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Mar-day-kah

Because its Merdeka, here's a couple of jokes that show Malaysians think differently to others.

(only for fun.not as offence towards anyone.)names were changed.

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Teacher: Ah Ran, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ah Ran: $10.
Teacher: You don't know Maths.
Ah Ran: You don't know my father la!
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Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But but but....I will only get my report card tomorrow ???
Mother: I know that, but I'm going to Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you now.
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Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
Roo: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Roo: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8. On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.If she can't make up her mind, how I know the right answer la ???
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No la, mine is undying love only !!!
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Man: How old is your father?
Ah Hann: Same as me la.
Man: How can that be?
Ah Hann: He only became a father when I born la !!!
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Teacher: Matt, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Matt: No la, teacher. It's the same dog!
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Teacher: Where were you born?
Hammy: Singapore , Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Hammy: All of me la....
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smile.
dont you love the colour theme? its the Jalur Gemilang colours. so patwiotik.

Tshirts.

please read what the shirt says before you buy it
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and if it makes grammatical sense, check its meaning.
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otherwise it could turn out quite funny.
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i cant put it here, but ask me if you wanna know who's shirt inspired me to post this.
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i guess its not really funny. maybe its cos i dont like that person that much. but i try to be nice. i try. really.

'you misunderestimated me'

-by none other than George W. Bush.
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people say stupid things.
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"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
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"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
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enough about him.there are other stupid people too.
i know a couple of them personally.

apples,chipsmore, and a quaker chewy bar.

carmen and i won at scrabble.
we got 132, wei jin got 131 and matt got 127 (i think.)cant remember aimy's score.
anyway, we won.
this from the last place people.who got laughed at because we played with no tactics whatsoever.
wahoo.
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'ostwich!'
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and now...the moment you've all been waiting for...
*drum roll*
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i have no idea. dunno what to blog about.
just wanted to create suspense.
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i smell.
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my hair smelt like rotten milk.
not anymore though. :)
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my hands smell like dog.
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my clothes smell nice. like fabric conditioner or something.
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i smell chocolate fudge. mmm.
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my phone smells nice too.
'haha, who smells their phone?'
...you'd be surprised.
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ta.

im not gonna tag anyone. but if you're bored, feel free to do it. lemme know if you did.
the questions are from facebook.
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Pardon my...
...height.
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Girls are sugar and spice and everything...
...boys cant be because they're just not awesome enough.pls refer to 'island of lesbos'.
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Thongs are...
...a self-inducing wedgie meachanism.
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What will your wedding band be made out of?
...a bassist, drummer, guitarist and lead singer.haha.i know they mean ring.
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If I had a time machine, I'd...
...use it.
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If I were pregnant, I'd probably crave...
...for the end of pregnancy.
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Who is the funniest person you know?
...funny as in 'haha' or funny as in weird?
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Is there anything you'd like to add before we continue?
...i blame matt for my allergies.
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Which letter of the alphabet can you totally not stand?
...x. who the heck made x?what a watse of time.
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If I were the first persont o land on the moon, I would have said:
...alright,where's the cheese?
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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no...
...friends because he was a loner and a stalker.
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I wish my cell phone had a...
...teleportation device.
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I like people who are...
...earthlings.
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How many hours of sleep do you need?
...as many as i can get.
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What's your favorite kids' cereal?
...fruit loops.
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If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?
...a mole.like DY.jk.
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Men are...
...boys but bigger.not neccessarily better looking though,haha.
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When the world ends, I will be...
...the one ending it from some mishap.
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My proposed Ben and Jerry's flavour:
...banana cookies and banana cream.
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If I had to jump from the top of a building, I'd prefer to land in...
...sebas' dream home, complete with the maccers.
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Nothing beats...
...shaving cream in youth park.
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When you get stressed, what are you most likely to throw out the window?
...you.
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In 10 years, I'll be...
...25 years old.
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What will be the last sentense in your autobiogaphy?
...to cut a long story short,i died.THE END.
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I am totally paranoid about...
...cane toads.WHY ARE THEY INDESTRUCTIBLE?
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If you owned a restaurant, what would you name it?
...banana's poison.
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You have the right to remain...
...silent.anything you say can and will be used against you in court.you are allowed an attournee, and if you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you by the government.i watch too much csi,
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Which sport is the best to watch?
...the one im playing :P
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ecoute, est-ce que c'est bon?

Fanx.

hahahaha.
i wasted jamie and dianne's time. :D
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my new name is....
NANA THE not-so-sidekicky EVIL SIDEKICK!
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i dont even know why.
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woohoo.
sunday was dumb.
glad it made you smile.
the shaving cream got everywhere. ew.
then i find out that im allergic to it. :P
lol, i was sneezing tons and the next day i got a rash on my face.
SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW LAH!
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die.
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jun's fault. held me there while matt and edward took advantage.
snoffair.
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im actually just glad shan had a good time. :)
unfortunately, she leaves in the morning so i cant go see her off. dumb dumb school.
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yesh, go theresa!

dans mes pantalon.

Il y a un e-mail que va environ. Que vous faites êtes vous note un nom d'une chanson, alors ajouter ‹ dans mes pantalon › à la fin.
Voici quelques-uns...
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there is an email that's going around.what you do is you write down a name of a song, then add 'in my pants' at the end.
here are a few...

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  1. you and me in my pants.
  2. surrender in my pants.
  3. happy tree friends in my pants.
  4. gummy bears in my pants.
  5. before i forget in my pants.
  6. little wonders in my pants.
  7. black horse and a cherry tree in my pants.
  8. expectations in my pants.
  9. here it goes again in my pants.
  10. loose lips in my pants.
  11. one last breath in my pants.
  12. smells like teen spirit in my pants.
  13. sugar, we're going down in my pants.
  14. the river in my pants.
  15. thnks fr th mmrs in my pants.
  16. tire swing in my pants.
  17. vampire in my pants.
  18. fat lip in my pants.
  19. leave out all the rest in my pants.
  20. CURSE OF CURVES IN MY PANTS.

and now, to continue this, i tag:

jamie, edmund, and pipee.

what you do is put your music player or whatever on shuffle. then write the title down and add 'in my pants' at the end.

keep doing it until you reach 20, or your death of boredom and stupidity.

enjoy.

the island of Lesbos.

I AM NOT A LESBIAN.
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jamie asked.im just clearing any confusion.

Pa-rah-noy-ya

jamie, dont be paranoid. you aint gonna die. i've already said too much. shan's gonna be like 'why'd you tell her?' haha.
but i told jamie, and she doesnt get it.
enjoy.
i told you not to ask me, cos i wont tell you. duh.
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paintball was fun.
yes, that's really all i have to say after spending RM45 and waiting for almost an hour.
i guess i got away with less injuries than most people.
some others got shot in the arm and leg, and haha, who knows where else.
i got one straight on the mouth. that paint tastes as bad as it smells. like chicken presents.
another grazed my fingers. not out. yay.dudes, i need to play bass tomorrow.
and the worst was edward, spazzing out and shooting me after saying surrender.
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the group before us probably got it worst. one dude got shot real close to his 'nads' and another got it in the neck, which swelled up like s******'s pimple.
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after worship prac, we went to new world park for dinner.
Rebecky tried to order sah hor fun at a wan tan mee stall.
and she made some very interesting phone calls too.
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worship meeting after that.
usual boring things, new equipment, backups needing to be louder, and the response of the youth.
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then jamie asked moi a kind of dumb question. she was like 'what do you mean by we'll get them?'
um.
i said i wouldnt tell her, and i put it on my post at the end that i wouldnt tell.
but jamie will be jamie.
haha, just kidding.
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and im still not gonna tell you what it is.
wait until tomorrow at sports.
its actually really cool.
ok, you guys arent supposed to know this, but because its shan's last sports, she wanted to have a 'kind of' leaving party.
you all get something special.
special=good.
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yes, it is good. and its not just from me.
shan says so too.
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KELUAR!
*WALKING FROM RED CRES TO MACCERS*
"no, no, i want sah hor fun."
"SURRENDER!" *bang bang*
"hey, no...i know that face, its the cheeky face...but shan's so innocent...yeah, but she has an evil sidekick..."
"TAKE THE CORK OUT OF YOUR ASS!"
got your knickers in a twist, hunnay?
flipping twit.
heart egg shaped...no, egg heart shaped.
//
Milo sat on a toad. and possibly raped the neighbours' pedigree.

SHANIANIANIANI


im gonna miss you like you missed the frisbee. a lot.
xx
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(you dont have to read this, other people. i just have to get it out.lol)
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i remember when we were like midgets...well, not you.lol.
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haha, you moved tons of times...
...number 3 became an office.
...move to number 6.
...move to number 5.
...move back to number 4.
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number 3.
...all of the bouncy balls in your mom's office.
...ping pong. table tennis. on the ceiling, under the table, in the bush, in the drain. 'lets switch to confuse them.'
...picking jambu air.
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number 4.
...the trampoline. will never forget it. so many things happened there. meals, stargazing (lmao), 'breaking the egg'.
...the 'tree house'. climbing and trying to drink and eat up there.haha.
...treasure hunts. in all of the silly places. classic.
...cooking lunch.so many bowls of soup. and pancakes for lunch?haha, with chocolate or lime and sugar.on the tramp!
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number 5.
...building a 'home' for the rabbits. the ceramic pipe. :]
...trying to quickly freeze a jug of milo.then leaving it overnight cos we forgot. ice milo, anyone?
...petting the rabbits on the swing. thumper.xx
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number 6.
...the foosball table.how many tournaments and matches we played.
...the fish tank. :]
...the 'sales' that we would have.we'd do surya's hair. haha, his 24 hour shop, 'closed'.
...trying to stay awake all night, eventually falling asleep in the weirdest places.
...the balls that had the globe on them.
...playing uno. helena's evil laugh.
...building wags a home from scrap wood.
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the padang.
...marathon races around it.
...trying to ride the tandem.and failing misarably.
...races on bikes around.
...climbing on the bars.'a race to the top'.
...egg and spoon races.
...3 legged races.
...trying to catch eggs from the sky.
...badminton.
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and we'd walk to boss' shop for ice lollies and anything we needed to buy. :]
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trips to the beach.
...jalan abbas, teluk kampi, pantai kerachut.'baptism'...
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i could go on for ages...
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you're gonna be seriously missed.
what am i gonna do without you? i reckon i'll cry on sunday, unfortunately in front of people.haha, im beginning to tear now.
but who cares? you're my best friend and i'll never forget you or stop missing you.
ily. xoxo
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and we'll get them on sunday.
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(PS if you other people thought it was boring or sappy, deal with it. i warned you at the beginning.)
(PPS dont ask me what "we'll get them" means. i wont tell you.)

paintball.

i think we've invited close to 20 people.
we've rescheduled.
weather problems.
tuition problems.
money problems.
transportation problems.
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only 5 people who have not changed plans. out of 20.
and it includes me.
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so tomorrow at 2.30...
...the weather will be great.not too sunny or rainy.
...there will be transport for everyone.
...no one will back out.
...we will have fun.
why?
because someone's getting bruised.
sur le provoque.
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wahoo.

josh was right.


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JOKES. the blacked out text is 'no lah just kidding'.
JAMIE IS STRAIGHT.
and i reckon ive edited the post close to five times for jamie.

koolie loompie,loners and HIV negatives.

the following passage is in a special language. try to comprehend at your own risk.
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kuala lumpur is expensive.
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i saw the most perfect dwess for pwom.yes, i know pwom is at the end of the yeawe.

ignore my face,lol, i looks many messed up. look only at the blue dwess.

nice cowour, size which is weawy hard to find, believe it or not, and i even have shoes that would match it perfectly.
except one thing.
THE STUPID (but awesome) DWESS COSTS RM287!!!
arghh.

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and vans.
i went into Bata to get the fakey ones, but i turn them over to look at the price tag, and the noobs are selling them for RM119.90!
what kind of a fweak goes into Bata and buys shoes for 200 bucks?!
its Bata, lah.
shoes should not be sold for over RM30 over there.

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loners.lol
SOMEBODY wecently joined Bebo.lol.
and they only have one fwiend.me.
sad.
but they only joined 3-4 days ago.
so imma give them a week, before i classify that person as a loner.jks

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there's this saying thats going awound, i have no idea of its owigins, so im sowwy if i offend anyone.
its not intended. unless it actually applies to you. then i guess it is.

"if you're not mawwied by the age of 35, you're either gay or a loner."

harsh.but based on my life expewiences, its twue.
i wont name names, *cough* but he hasn't ever had a girlfwiend. he's weaching the limit before the classification of gay-ness or loner-dom.
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HIV.
jamie, dont be upset on failing the HIV test. im sure you can pass next wound. you just have to study harder.
just kidding.
dont get HIV.its not fun.

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H-human
I-immuno deficiency
V-viwus
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or
H-hannah
I-is
V-vewy sexy.
its twue. just ask my gorgeous.
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just to finish, my dog thinks he's a cat.

I Found Vans!



i have found vans.


after looking for ages in Gurney and Queens, i go to KL and find tons of shops selling every design of Vans you can think of.


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The price isnt bad either, all around RM50.


BUT...i have a budget of 50 for the entire weekend, cos im broke, and my parents gave me a 50.


*sigh*


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imma gonn get a pair from bata.haha



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so i either get a cheapo rip-off and get some other stuff, (which is okay, cos it means i can trash them) or i buy a real pair but its the only thing i can get for this weekend.


decisions...


Exams..

For you local school people who had exams recently, here's what you could have done to guarantee a FAIL.

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
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2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
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3. Bring a PSP. Play with the volume at max level.
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4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question.
For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
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5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. .
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6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas."
If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one.
Repeat this process every 15 min.
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7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
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8. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. nuts?
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9. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
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10. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
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11. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
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12. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
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13. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour)
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14. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
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15. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
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16. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
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17. Try to get people in the room to do a mexican wave.
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18. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."
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19. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #__ moved you, deeply.
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20. If the answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
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and the one that's sure to get you kicked out:
...Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect..
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this is only for fun, do not attempt to reenact any of the above mentioned. Hannah will not be held responsible for any disqualifications or injury or limb-loss.

Shanteeeeenee

haha.ok, just to clear it up, Shantini is pronounced SHAN-tinny, with the tini bit spoken slightly quicker. it is not pronounced shan-TEE-nee, as some people do.
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so going to miss you. xx
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had a sleepover at my place. did the random-est things.
in chronological order (i think):
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1.played Cranium, this game where you answer the questions to get around the board. Shan and my sisters vs. moi and Devi.
they won. :[ pfft.

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2.made a treasure hunt for each other, which wasted an hour of finding clues hidden in random places.
eg. Shan's was in the lid of the rubbish bin, and it STANK.
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3.a couple of white shirts + water balloons filled with paint = big big mess +funky shirts. we'll wear them to cell group on the 22nd. if you want tosee...
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4.made dinner of pasta salad. was a massive bowl and we finished it. empty calories.
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5.talked and talked and talked. they read my texts and was given the wrong impression by SOMEONE. :P
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and thats what's happened so far...haha, we're gonna go watch a movie later.
this is just a spur of the moment post.felt like posting something..
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NOTE TO JAMIE: when we were playing cranuim,we found a helpful fact that might come in handy for you:


  • DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU GO INTO SPACE, THE LACK OF GRAVITY MAKES YOUR SPINE STETCH OUT.THIS MEANS THAT WHEN YOU COME BACK TO EARTH YOU GAIN APPROX. 6-8CM IN HEIGHT.

UNFORTUNATELY YOU GO BACK TO YOUR ORIGINAL HEIGHT AFTER 3-4 DAYS.

MaLTO

i dont care that ive posted 5-ish posts in 2 days.
thats me. i come in small bursts of energy. then a quiet moment.
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matthew's name thingymajig on his msn is now malto.
i thought it rung a bell figuratively, i dont own a bell. so i googled it.
then i remembered where it came from.
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Malto-tone...for all your gastric needs.

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i'd seen it in Coles during a trip to Aus. its a digestive drink that helps you digest duh and supposedly gives you strength.
kinda like the Aussie version of Eno.
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must stop posting at midnight. the randomness is beginning to make sense.

Croc-o-Dials...and others

Galaxie magazine is having a competition.
you win these.


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cute, but not the real ones.
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the real ones are UGLY with a capital UGG.
i sent in for one, but they're only giving away 20 for the whole of Malaysia.so we'll see.
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...and speaking of uggs, ugg boots almost beat mary janes. almost.



comfy-ness..
no-so-comfy-ness

Uggs are so comfy.but you cant wear 'em in Penang. You'd sweat and die.i left mine in Aus, and when i went back they didnt fit. *sob*
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Mary Janes rock. Nose sells some really nice ones for cheap cheap-ness.
me thinketh i'll go get some.
SHOE SHOPPING, ANYONE?and does anyone know where i can get a pair of vans?

Random-nessy things

i dont like tescos.
its so crowded.and full of big big people, who enjoy whacking people with their trolleys.
must be some kind of a sport.
"let's slam into that unsuspecting girl! oh yeah, 50 points."pfft.
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i like house md.
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SHUT UP!
stupid voices in my head.
telling me things i already know.
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i denied it again.
i wann tell the truth but what if he finds out??!!
(no, im not in trouble.)
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said together they look good.
two people said.
woah.
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i like skinny jeans.
cant wear them though.
too expensive and makes my thighs look fat.
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feel like eating bak kut teh.
yum yum.
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SHANTINI DONT LEAVE!!!
xoxo
i lub joo.

IGCSE math results.

freaked out.

dont like freaking.

but then, who does?

texts, "what did you get?"

replies of, "A*"...."A*"

so much pressure.

its unhealthy.

type in url...internet doesnt work...

why must they create suspense?

refresh page.

a year early.

i could have waited.

more time to study.

why didnt i?

it loads.

type in username and password.

wait for page to load.

results flash up.A*.

i swear my heart stopped beating.

mother screams behind me.

brings me back to reality.

i have no idea how i'm going to survive next year.

frisbee and nuts.

funfunfun.
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we played against the adults today, or 'old people' as jamie calls them.more on that later.
we lost both frisbee and captainball. (i think). but if in captainball they counted the points as 2 for a chick, then we would have won. :]
and during the entire time, there was this kinda nut fight, where we lug these nut thingies at other people and make it hurt. i have the bruises to show for it.
so the youth weren't really concentrating on the game.which is the only reason as to why they won.
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i just found out that i have one of the 'nut' bearing trees in front of my place.so matt and edward, YOU WILL SUFFER THE WRATH OF MY NUTS! (that sounded both wrong and nerdily geeky.pfft,deal with it.)
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random quotes from today:
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"everyone throws them, but i bet no one here's eaten them.like me."-shantini.
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"hey,hey, when matt comes, we'll attack him with nuts..."-jamie.
*later*
"...so you gonna attack him?"-moi.
"huh? attack who?"-jamie. blurblur.
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"i so wish i had a nut, then i could just throw it at you."-jamie.
"haha,just pluck and throw!"-ben.
*with hand actions towards edwards unmentionables*
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"hai!"-edward.
*chucks nut at close range*
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sundays are fun
but i dont like that part.
no,i really dont like that part.
mmmpphh.
dont like.

hokay...


so now i've decided to begin to continue with my blog.pfft.
this is only due to popular demand.
haha.
like 3 people.

 
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